Jade versus The Universe: Day 2

Today I am starting a blog. I have heard that it greatly increases your chances of getting hired in today's competitive world of publishing and editing. Personally I have stayed away from blogs. not because I have anything against them, they just never interested me. the thing is, now i feel like I have something to say. And that something is: 

Fuck you Universe! Yeah you, that infinitely huge expanse of space that contains all matter and exerts its force upon everything, that seems to be standing every and nowhere at the same time. just who the fuck hell do you think you are? I see the way you're eye-balling me and I don't care for it. Think you're so big! Think you're so god-damned tough. Well fuck you and the horse you rode in on. By the way, I had sex with your wife. That's right bitch, I'm calling you out. I am officially declaring a war on your entropic ass! Fatty! Huh? What's that? I couldn't hear you over the vast emptiness of space. Fuck off, quite looking at me like that! What are you, gay? 

I bet you all must think that I must be a little crazy to call the universe out like that but guess what it deserves it. It has been getting its way since the dawn of time man. Thats ridiculous. I just want a fair shake, a chance to get what's mine. Thats all. Now that i know that The Universe is out to get me i will be watching for it. You hear me Universe? Huh? That's right, I'm watching you. I got my eye on you. You see this here tattoo, with the eyes on the back of the head... yeah, watch your back bitch.

Just to make sure we understand one another, the score has been set to zero starting now. you gave me a hell of a run for my money on Monday, Universe, and I almost gave up. But I have an indomitable will and strength of fortitude. I will crush you like this aluminum tin can of beer, after I have drunk the beer. 

Now to all the readers out there. now that i know that the universe is out to get me i can take measures in one-up-mans-ship and make sure that I come out ahead. I'm like a stalking Puma, chasing down a sick and defenseless old ass gazelle. I will be posting updates on the Epic Battle between Jade and The Universe, so please stay tuned. 

-Jade